I grew up with an absent father and an Anorexic mother. I was TAUGHT how to have an eating disorder from day one. I have suffered with body dysmorphia from the age of 6 years old and have battled for 12 years with Anorexia and a compulsive exercise addiction. I was caught in this endless cycle of shame and guilt and I knew if I didn’t reach out for help, I would die. After torrents of angry tears, harsh threats from my family, and my endless pleads dripping with denial, I entered Rosewood for the first time in 2011. And again in 2012.And yet again in 2013. I didn’t understand. “What is my problem?” Why couldn’t I “just stop.” Why was I so weak? If I truly loved so and so…I should be able to feed myself and JUST EAT. I was more hopeless each time I entered the Ranch’s doors. Rosewood helped uncover the deeper issues within me. It wasn’t about the food. My body. My ED was not something I chose. It was not my fault. I was not a bad person trying to get good, I was a sick person trying to get well. And at Rosewood Center for Eating Disorders, I met others like me in their battle from this vicious disease. Three was my OCD number. I separated things into three’s. I cut things into three’s. I have to press things three times. There are the three amigos, the three stooges, three blind mice…the list goes on. There is also a well known phrase stating, “The third time’s the charm.” And for me this statement rings completely true. After my third admition into the Rosewood center, I was able to go through their entire program: inpatient, PHP, and IOP and it has changed my life. People asked me what was different THIS time. I truly believe I had to go through those relapses in order to want to fight for recovery for Winter. Not my parents. Not my friends. For me. I wanted a life free of numbness, starving, and running. It was hard to feel. Hard to trust.Hard to hope. But my treatment team was patient and wanted nothing but recovery for me with all of their hearts. I truly believe my Higher Power led me there for a reason. To save my weary soul and give me back the very thing I owe this program~ My Life. ONE day at a time is all we have promised. Make today count. Choose recovery. Choose life.
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